Tongue-In-Cheekyness

...for your pleasure.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Whiners: We All Know One


(The Bunny's New Lover)


You may be wondering, what exactly is a Whiner?

Well, first and foremost, they’re measly bitches who whine. That’s a given.

But everyone whines, no? So to be eligible to slide into the Oh-So charming category of Whiner, you have to be sprinkled with a few of the following eloquent traits:

1) You must have been described at least thrice as a Negative Nelly (a.k.a. a Debbie Downer or Party Pooper) … to your face.

2) You must have in your possession a nasally voice that can’t be controlled with Nasonex (i.e. this kind of voice was bitch-slapped at birth with a nasal quality. Allergies don't even RSVP to this shit show.)

3) You become bored when there’s nothing to bitch about, so you find issues to complain about … or you make them up (a.k.a pull them out of your ass).

4) You should also have a habit of getting worked up about shit done by "Person A" and unleashing your nasally, high-pitched frustration on innocent bystander, "Person B," in the form of unjustified rantings and ravings (a.k.a The Cheeky Bunny).

So here's my unsolicited Cheeky Advice
If you want to bitch and moan, fine. But do it the right way: over drinks with a willing participant, or quietly. And do it sporadically. Do yourself a favor by not being known as that whiney annoying person that people avoid because all you do is complain.

And granted, The Bunny lives in New York, so she's surrounded by an insurmountable amount of complainers (including screaming toddlers on a delayed subway). BUT this only adds credibility to her expertise on the subject of whiny, moany annoying bitches.


Have a Cheeky Wednesday.

P.S. The Bunny's aware that this post is a contradiction. So quit your bitching before it starts ( <3)

Monday, June 28, 2010

Cheeky Shoes of the Week

Just look at them! These are the shoes of professional heart breakers. The Bunny Approves




*Courtesy of Dlisted and 16-year-old Taylor Momsen

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Buzzzzzzy Bunny



The Bunny's been bouncing all over the place lately. She's bounced herself right out. But stay tuned for some good ol' fashion ranting and raving. I'll muster up some nice topics, and analyze them like any typical neurotic Pisces would.

In the meantime, check out my uncheeky Buzz profile, as I'm always updating it with links to my latest non-raunchy articles.

Click Here If You're Not Horny! to follow me on Buzz

Enjoy your weekend - well, what's left of it.

And remember, work hard, play harder (xo)


Friday, June 25, 2010

I’m Bringin’ Homely Back (yeah!)

The Bunny hopped off to an early start today. It’s been a large coffee kind of a morning and we’re short staffed. So to keep my caffeine buzz fueled newsroom fury going, I offer you this extremely shallow and kind of cruel post  in my down time:



Homely VS Ugly: An Insightful Analysis
(Part Un)

The Bunny’s mom has always been good with adjectives. She knows how to balance accuracy with creativity, and wit with honesty. She has always been a proponent of  the word Homely. And perhaps, that’s where I inherited my fondness for it as well.

The Basics:
People can be Homely, but not ugly. However, if someone is ugly, they’re most definitely Homely, as well.

Homely isn’t necessarily better than ugly.

Objects, in addition to people and animals, can be ugly / humans make up most of the Homely community (there are exceptions, see below)

Homeliness is a state of mind - it is not uncommon for your typical Homely to possess the capability of attractiveness. You are not born Homely. You become Homely.

Women tend to be Homely more often than men. The ratio is about 4:1

Homely can be hot (please refer to Lady GaGa header pic, obviously)

The Qualifications
In order to be Homely, one must possess at least (but not limited to) two of these attributes

*A lack of consideration for one's appearance and / or personal hygiene
*Slumped shoulders (an indication of insecurity brought on by Homeliness)
*The name Patty Blagojevich
*Slack-jawed, glazed over expressions of the face
Examples
Homely Spotlight of the Day! Tilda Swinton: Tilda is the "Tom Petty" of Homelies, and I love them both.


The Benefits
It all comes down to one question. Would you rather be Homely or ugly? Obviously, The Bunny is going with a big "Hooray for Homely!" Here's why ---- it can be undone.

That's right!

With just a few simple adjustments, homely can be spruced up a bit, elevating one's status to 'O.K' or "average," maybe even "cute in a librarian sort of way."

Homelies are often pretty nice people. At the very least - they're amusing. I'd be bunk bunnies at summer camp with a Homely over a Hottie any day.

There's no going back from ugly.


Here, Holly Madison demonstrates for us how a little surgery can go a long way with a homely gal.



*****DISCLAIMER**** The Cheeky Bunny in no way supports discrimination against the beautiful, the '5's', the ugly or the Homely (in fact, she very much adores the latter). The Bunny would also like to make note that these observations are not a declaration of The Bunny's inclusion or exclusion from any of these realms of physical appearances.

Silly Journal Stuff...

The Bunny's not angsty, just pensive.. and in the process of writing posts, so stay tuned. In the meantime please enjoy this angsty journal entry I stumbled up in Live Journal. I remember the night I wrote this, first months in New York City, with cracking love and lots of wine.

30 April 2008 @ 06:31 pm


a Tuesday night

Sometimes I don't want anybody to see me, know me, hear me the way I want them to hear me. And I become paranoid about trying to make myself a writer, and I think, Jesus, Hemingway blew his fucking brains out, Thompson did the same…and Didion. Didion, although a heroine of some sorts in my mind, is a lonely spirit adrift with the lost dreams in the city of such, exempt from growing old with her late husband, a writer John, dead of a heart attack, and also without her daughter Quintana, killed by a bizarre collaboration of circumstance and fate. Alone. Sad. Miserable yet legendary artists of our language. Manipulators of sounds, spoken only in the mind, and, when exceptionally inspiring, versed aloud among intellectuals over Cognac at Manhattan dinner parties. I’m not yet there, but perhaps I never will be, so I shouldn’t worry about it. I’m still a child, a teenager, a twenty something girl or a woman all rolled into one and I want. So much. To. write.

 PSssss!

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Say It Ain't So ... Thanks To A Ho?


Dang! They almost made it, Al and Tipper. After the epic tongue-in-belly smooch at the 2000 DNC I had this pair nailed as the elusive ‘live together / die together’ married couple. But maybe all it took was a hussy tree-hugger to piss on the flames of their 40-year love. Or maybe they really just drifted apart, as they claimed.

Question: What does marriage mean? Or better yet: What does marriage mean, now a days?

Everyone’s favorite Countvestite LuAnn de Lesseps of The Real Housewives of NYC put it best at the reunion show after insinuating that her castmate Ramona Singer and her husband were unfaithful to each other, “why do you think they’ve been married so long?” (17 years). De Lesseps’ husband divorced her after 16 years… (I guess that’s how long it took her to fuck up her tuck MAH FRIENDS. Jay-Kay – she cheated.) Newsflash PooAnn, and everyone, we shouldn’t be shocked that people stay married for 17 years! We shouldn’t be shocked if they stay married (*gasp*) forever!!! Because that’s what you’re actually promising to do on the Big Day!

The Bunny doesn’t consider herself too old-fashioned. She just likes to keep things simple. And vows are simple – don’t ‘vow’ anything that you’re going to break just because you’re bored. I’m not advocating we all *have* to wed, in fact quite the contrary. In fact - *don’t* wed! Don’t take any vows that you’ll break unless the circumstances are extraordinary (i.e. abuse). The trick is… don’t marry a douche. (HEH!) And yes. It’s true. We don’t always know we’re involved with a douche until it’s too late.

All The Bunny wants you Cheeksters to take from this is don’t get married if your character is weak enough to get a divorce just because you ‘drift apart.’ And definitely don’t get married if your character is weak enough to cheat.

That sounds fun, right!? Bachelor / Bachelorette status forever if you’re into that! Swing from the chandeliers naked with a rubber mask at an orgy party for all I care (and text me the address when you get there). Just stop breaking vows.


The Bunny's on fire today!.... pppppppppsssssssst! <3

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Cheeky Thoughts at 2 a.m.


1) Where did all the tough guys go?

2) A dude on the subway had the audacity to stare at close range down the Bunny's shirt. Question: Why is it that A) this shit always happens on the NYC subway? and B) Why is it that from 11 p.m. on, men turn into 100% perverts? It's like they have X-ray vision and can see through bitches' clothes. And theyre all greasy after hours. Ugh. The're just like, these greased up, horny slobs. OH, I just love late night communiting.
(Okay that was more like a 'rant' than a 'question')

3) The Bunny admits she's a hypocrit, because all she wants is for people to stop whining - but whining is basically what this blog's about. At least I'm owning up to it.

4) Leave me alone.

5) I will smack a bitch

6) Big Love is effing riveting



Friday, June 4, 2010

...These are my options!?

A Cheekster recently alerted The Bunny to this article that surveyed a cross-section of 477 female recent college graduates.



According to a report published in The Journal Of Gender Studies, many American women are bucking centuries of traditional gender roles by placing stunted, emotionally unfulfilling relationships on hold in order to pursue mind-numbing careers devoid of any upward mobility.

Heh. The Bunny's favorite part was, "...the data suggests a cultural sea change in how women choose to experience lifelong disappointment."

Double Heh. The Bunny is starting to wonder when we stopped aiming for the moon and landing among the stars. The concept behind this study doesn't seem to be as much about Career disappointment VS Family disappointment as it seems to be about people's expectation of disappointment.

The Bunny posted an open question about a month ago that basically asked would you rather be unhappily married (but at least you aren't 'dying alone') or would you rather be happily employed and single (but lonely, 'unloved') when you "grow up." Most everyone opted for the latter: Pleasantly employed but with no family in sight. About a decade ago this would be considered spinsterhood for the ladies, or bachelorhood for the boys, but now the trend is taking over so much that it may just be considered 'normal.'

The study published on The Onion is a bit of a different angle. If we are considering general disappointment, banal unhappiness with life, it seems okay to ask the question, "well, would you rather be unhappily married, or unhappily employed?"

... Obviously it's always good to be supporting yourself. And it's better to support yourself with an unsatisfying job, than no job at all. And it's certainly better than depending on someone that makes you unhappy (i.e. a douchey spouse) to support you.

Sigh.

The Bunny's advice to anyone contemplating this question would have to be [DRUM ROLL] .... I really don't know. And I don't care to know.The Bunny feel like no one should ever plan on being disappointed. Do what makes you the happiest now, and life should settle into place. Hopefully young women (and men) can take hold  of a satisfying career while also nailing down a life-partner that will be as emotionally supportive as a financially lucrative job.

Let Them Eat Wedding Cake



Yesterday marked the first day New York City officials began to offer wedding-like civil ceremonies for same sex couples in all five boroughs. The move was two steps forward, one step back for the gay community, as it drew criticism from gay rights advocates who want nothing short of full marriage rights.

Domestic partners gain no new rights or advantages other than to have a wedding in the city's renovated marriage bureau. Until yesterday, gay and lesbian couples were only eligible to receive paperwork proving their union.

It's time to lose my objective voice for a moment (hey, I'm on a coffee break) and just come out with it. This is getting silly already. It's like a very prissy Man-Baby slowly inching his way into a wading pool. Let's just legalize it already. Gay marriage, that is. And pot. Because they're both synonyms for "happy," and happy is good... and discrimination is bad.

The Bunny is fairly confident that in another decade or two our kids will be reading about the resistance to gay marriage in their textbooks, and the concept will equate with every other civil right atrocity in our history. Consenting adults should be able to wed. Period. Just as African Americans should be able to drink out of any water fountain, and women should be allowed to vote. It's basic, simple common sense, and it's inevitable the legislation will follow suit - if everyone will just stop bickering about it and worry about their own lives.

XOXO

PennyLove

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

BREAKING NEWS: Sexual Harrassment Doesn't Get You Laid



It just doesn't. It maybe gets you slapped, might even get you fired. But not laid.

In fact, Sexual Harrassment isn't getting men anywhere but the dog house, or the jail house. The Bunny has been made livid on several recent occasions (and not-so recent occasions, but I've been ornery lately so it's bothering me now, hence, this post) thanks to sweet poetic phrases like "moustache ride" and "taste your insides" being flung at her from various directions.

All it does is offend women, even the low-self esteemy ones. Girls often enjoy attention, and they enjoy flattery, but what some men don't understand is that hollering obscene phrases and acting out dirty gestures isn't flattering attention. Women enjoy compliments on their smile, or their style. That's the good sh*t that will eventually get you laid. Yeah, it may take some more time and effort in addition to the sincere compliments, but at least you're heading in the general direction of getting laid.

When you sexually harass women, you are going in reverse! You may as well push your peen inside your body when you look us up and down and say "yeah, I like it just like that girl. MMM." When a phrase like that is thrown at the Bunny, she thinks, "You're gross and desperate and probably have sex with whores." She says, "Ugh." on a weekend and "F*ck Off" on a work day. We're tired. We're annoyed. We're on the rag or we're on our way to a real man's house. We don't want to deal with you unless you're willing to impess us. And we're certainly not willing to give the time of day to a hard-on with a greasy man attached who is dumb enough to think propositioning us with his equally greasy words will get us in bed.

Next time the Bunny is sexually harrassed she's gonna change up her game!

That means tears will roll! Just to point a pervert out. When he asks, "What color are your panties," I'll drop my bags, put my hands in my face and SOB real loud on the subway platform, just to watch him squirm. Because the Bunny's of the belief that for some men, it's sadistic - it's not about 'coming onto women' as much as it's about making us squirm, making us uncomfortable, embarassed and disgusted for their own twisted pleasures.