Tongue-In-Cheekyness

...for your pleasure.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Get Over, Get Under

The dreaded / beloved Rebound Guy.

There's this saying in the Cheeky community; "The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else."

Let's raise a toast to "having been there," because most of us have. The Bunny's here to lend some insight and offer an even better idea by flipping that bitch over. In our opinion, the best way to get under someone is to get over someone else.

The idea behind the original theory is simple... a heartbroken person will forget their woes by getting off with a shiny new person. But this idea carries with it many flaws. First, this new candidate is rarely 'shiny' and more often 'grody' and 'skeevy.' They often take the form of a one-night stand that leaves the heartbroken party feeling even lower than before. Though there is an immediate sense of "Ha! I showed you [insert your Ex's name here]," the satisfaction is fleeting.

The Bunny believes that this method of getting over by getting under aims to work towards a long-term goal of finding someone else, someone better, someone special. In which case, does it not make sense to hold off, get over your Ex on your own and maintain clarity and dignity (to the best of your ability...a few bumps in the road are inevitable). This improves the odds of getting under someone exceptional, someone worthy. And the best part - once you get there, you are likely to stay there, and actually enjoy it.

So The Bunny's verdict - don't try to get under any one until you are over your Ex if you are hoping to turn it into anything but a rebound.

If you are, however, a swingin-from-the-chandelier kind of bachelor(ette), and need to get a little promiscuity out of your system, The Bunny's not here to judge! (wrap it up).

Today's Cheeky Song O' The Day Is...



...As dark and tortured as The Bunny's chipped OPI nail polish and smudged eyeliner. Yes, I'm a middle school misfit trapped in the body of a full grown bunny, love me or leave me :)

"Jambi" by Tool (10,000 Days)

Hey, it matches the day. And it's dancing through the Bunny's head as she composes her next post, so stay tuned!


Prayed like a martyr dusk to dawn.
Beg like a hooker all night long.
Tempted the devil with my song.
And got what I wanted all along

But if I could I'd wish it all away.
If I thought tomorrow would take you away.
You're my peace of mind, my home, my center.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

The Bunny's Exploring....


...New Topics!

Please Email TheCheekyBunny@Gmail.com with tips, ideas, and of course - for advice!

Some Not-So-Cheeky Advice: Wrap It Up

According to a new study one in five gay men in the United States is infected with the HIV virus, and nearly half of those who carry it are unaware of the infection. The study coming from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention,  tested more than 8,000 men in 21 cities in 2008, making it the most comprehensive research by the CDC. (Click here to read more)

In all seriousness, this study is alarming and disconcerting. The Bunny understands that the heat of the moment can carry you away, but stop and think. Grab some fun flavored lube and some ribbed condoms, and integrate safety into your sexuality. Treat safe sex as a default practice, not something you have to think about. Always be ready (i.e. fill that good drawer with lots of rubber, not just the battery operated kind). And here's a new one --- know who you're sleeping with! This doesn't mean you need to see a blood test on the first date, but be selective. Don't sleep with dirty sluts and low-life scum sucking man-whores unless you plan on doubling up on the Trojans.

Have fun, play safe.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Katy Perry's Ta-Ta's Destroy Society - A Cheeky Rant


Katy Perry, you're hot.

Everyone knows it.

You don’t need to keep reminding us you have huge knockers that jiggle. I liked you at first, then you became annoying. I can't tell if you should get over yourself, or develop some self confidence? Are you really so insecure you have to give Elmo a stiffy?  He’s probably still a virgin, and your ta-ta’s are scaring him, that’s why he’s running away and that’s why Sesame Street banned them from airing. (click for full story)
I like a good pair of hooters as much as the next Bunny, but there’s a time and a place, and playtime with pre-schoolers isn’t one of them. Tuck them chi-chi’s in if you want to play with Elmo! Damn, girl.
All joking aside, I'm no prude, but this is indicative of society going down the shitter. It's right along side Toddlers and Tiaras. Parents are dressing their little girls like they're adults, and its kind of unsettling. If we allow them to start slutting up Sesame Street, the future will be a pretty gross place. I commend PBS for pulling this from air.

And The Bitch Goes Down

Click Here to See Video on Youtube... if you care about this sort of thing.

The Bunny admits it - she has a mean streak. Compounded by the fact she has a fetish for laughing at models falling on runways, she couldn't resist the urge to post this video of a model eating runway at a Burberry show.

To any rational human being, this isn't even funny. But I'm a Bunny who giggles with delight at the expense of others. Probably why Karma's such a bitch to me.

Listen, maybe I'm just jealous of a model's natural ability to ignore her apetite, but there's something amusing about the way 90% of pretty girls feel the need to call themselves models. And once they actually make it into model-hood - they take that shit FER SERIOUS. Maybe that's why it's so funny when they bust into tears as though they've just witnessed genocide everytime they fall off their 6-inch heels.

The highlight is when she wobles like a baby giraffe fresh from the womb.

Ahhh.  Life is good.

*Courtesy of DListed

Mid Day Carrots - ::GRUNT / GRUNT / HEAVE ::


TCB was workin' on her new Autumn body at the gym today, when she heard a familiar sound - the mating call of a male human ... in the form of a wanna-be beefcake working-out. To be concise - he's that guy who makes loud, obnoxious grunting sounds while lifting weights. And it instills images of very grueling sexual activity - the kind that leaves a dude stiff inside AND on top of you. As in heart attack on a stick. Sounds something like:

"UGHHHHH!" ... takes breath ... "HUGHH" "HUGHHH" "HUGHHHHHH"

(I can't deny it brings a chuckle to my morning work-out routine.)

This guy pumps iron every day, but somehow remains pudgy and unattractive. Which is exactly why I don't want to hear his personalized sex sounds.

"GAH! HUGH! HEHHHH!"

Making love to that would feel like some kind of Olympic Sporting event, a gross ones, like Hammer Throw.

My Cheeky Advice to guys at the gym - keep the heaves and hos in the bedroom ... or lift lighter weights, pussies.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Dumb, Numb and Spoiled


This falls less into the category of ‘advice’ but lands vehemently into the throws of opinionated rant.

In her shaky adulthood, The Bunny has contemplated what it means to live at this point in history, in these United States, with all the technology, choice and opportunity surrounding her. It seems, there’s no reason to pout, right?
*[These examples are hypothetical, but typical]*

No time to make coffee this morning? Dunkin’ Donuts French Vanilla, medium, with a shot of espresso and two splendas – drinkin’ that bitch in two minutes for $3.

I want music at work – Pandora. I want music this weekend – Ticketmaster. I want a film I remember I love, and haven’t seen in years – Netflix “watch now.” I want a man – I text the no-strings-attached booty call on standby. I want food [from Thailand, India, Italy, Japan] – Menu Pages “order online” - but I don’t want to get fat from eating it - Hydroxycut.
Sad? Zoloft. Nervous? Xanax.
Boom. I’m eating in less than an hour. I’m slender, and snuggled up with my movie and my man. I have what I want. So why is everyone in a constant state of dissatisfaction? TCB claims no exemption.

Is it perhaps because, the easier it is to get, the less I want it. The quicker it arrives, the longer it seems to take and the more I have, the more I want?

Maybe New York City sprouted TCB’s unwanted dependence on the now, the easy, the fleeting. Or maybe it’s everywhere. The mindset of today, the banality of that which should be exciting and exceptional. It’s what all the old timers warned us about, shaking their fists and missing the good old days. Words flash across the HD plasma screen in our minds: jaded… cynical… bored… lost…

Desensitized.

Something kinda sad about

The way that things have come to be.

Desensitized to everything.

What became of subtlety?

How can this mean anything to me?

If I really don't feel anything at all?

I'll keep digging

Till I feel something.


Note: the disturbing visual content isn’t related to my point




I’m left with no grand conclusion, no deep insightful solution to this complaint. Another sad result of the situation, an absence of inspiration.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Unsolicited Advice - How to Rock Your Curves


Just look at a young Sophia Loren. A Godess of sultry sexuality and feminine mystique. Her hips are slopes of sensual charm and her waist is trim, fitted with the help of  a snug corsette. Her natural breasts, understated, yet very present. Her confidence turns her on, and others as well. This is sexy. This is graceful. This is a girl who knows how to rock her curves.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Unsolicited Advice - How To Be Successful


MetroNY is a great no bull-shit New York paper. Today it ran a piece by licensed psychotherapist Jonathan Alpert highlighting the Traits of Highly Successful People. Always one to impose my opinions on how to 'correctly exist' here are the traits:
 
Have a clear vision of what you want, and think of what is possible

Choose to be different even if it is unpopular

Work really hard and focus on what you can control, not what’s beyond it

Be proactive and take initiative rather than waiting for things to happen

Defy the norm, be curious and don’t accept the status quo

Surround yourself with supportive and positive people (so true)

Finally, enjoy what you do.

 
And The Bunny couldn’t agree more!

Ignorant Comment of the Day



"You can't mention God to liberals -- they don't believe" – Lars Larson, (conservative) radio host

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Attack of the Killer Chi Chis: How Did We Get Here?


Meet Sheyla Hershey, and her 38M tittays. This past June, Sheyla traveled to Brazil to get her breasts enhanced to this catastrophic size. Needless to say, she immediately started having complications (staph and strep infections = UNSEXY). Doctors told her that she would die if she didn't have them removed.

When doctors went into remove the monstrosities, they found that most of her breast tissue was too damaged to save.
She said:
"I know it's going to be a lot of pain on me because I love to have them, but I realize that my family comes first and I love my daughter and son and they come first. Even though I love to have huge breasts, I don't know why, I just addicted to it; I'm going to try to live without it. Hopefully I will be done then and be happy and just running around with my kids! Just have my back life, my life back!"

It The Bunny's opinion, the horror isn't about breast implants. Enhancing yourself with fake boobs is just a more expensive way of putting on makeup. And why do women wear makeup? To look and feel more beautiful. We've done that for centuries.

But there has been some kind of slow, sick transition over the past century, taking the form of bizarre surgeries that make women look more like plastic and less like flesh (and last I checked, plastic is the backup in the goody drawer when the real thing isn't available). It may be a cliched question but: Why can't we love ourselves the way we are?

And here's a very reasonable question: Since when are men attracted to large silicone baloons?  I mean, 38Ms? That not only looks unhealthy, the reality is that it actually is medically unhealthy. Sheyla paid Brazilian doctors to turn her into a freak of society (not even a freak of nature) because the poor dear actually thinks that is what will fix her. Killer titties. Sheyla thinks, men will like her (although this is questionable - only the fetishists and deviants want to bounce off any chest larger than a 36E) and therefore she will have some kind of self worth.

When I first saw this story, I chuckled. Then it sank in. And I was sad. Sad for Sheyla, sad for her kids. Sad for her natural breasts, and sad for the future of the female self-image.

**Check out the MyFox Houston news report on this story:















Friday, September 10, 2010

This is what Batshit Crazy Looks Like




Councilman Phil Davison gives a rant worthy of TCB recognition. Watch the Republican from Ohio channel his inner Gibson during a speech to win the bid for County Treasurer (Spoiler Alert: It doesn't work). Phil's tacky outburst is about par with one of TCB's post-one-too-many Sour Apple Martini sob-fests. I think I may have found my soul mate.

Unsolicited Advice: Take Care of Those Who Treat You Right

This means...

Tip well if you recieve good service

Only take Love if you are prepared to return it

Express gratitude to those who take care of you

Extend a helping to hand to someone who has helped you, even once. Keep tabs. Don't forget. The moment you take a good deed for granted is the moment you don't realize a good deed has been done.

Remember that you are a magnet to all the energy you put out into the world. Whatever you do to others, you will have done to you. If you wrong others, whether directly or indirectly, you can expect it back in return. It's just a matter of time.

But if you treat others with respect when respect is due, you will prosper. If you reward a good deed with another good deed, your life will be full of good deeds. Attempt to not seek vengeance against those who have wronged you, although you can rest assured they will get it from some other source.

Respect. Courtesy. Generosity. TCB says, if you don't give these things, then you don't deserve to recieve them.

Have a Cheekified weekend.


Wednesday, September 8, 2010

J’Adore a French Whore

Rant Level: HIGH

Is there any other kind?

TCB jokes. Take no offense kids. There are whores everywhere (it's just that women in France have really taken that profession by the balls).

So in today's trashy news, a 22 year-old model slash stewardess (oui, I'm chauvinistic) who calls herself Racine claims she indulged in a piece of Pitt while in flight.

She's probably lying, but she's definitely a whore. Because she had this to say about f*cking on married men:
"They get so excited when they cheat! It turns me on because I'm able to give them what they lack."
We here at TCB are firm believers in Karma... let's break down the cosmic balance of this alleged situation.

*Brad (although physically perfect to a T) showed his moral imperfection after he impregnated Angelina Jolie while still married to alleged spinster Jennifer Aniston. So we know he's capable of infidelity. Once a cheater, always a cheater (sad but true).

*Angelina, though an impeccable goddess of beauty, is also a known adulterer. She knew she was straddling a married man on her "Mr. & Mr.s Smith" lunch break. So if Le Skank is telling the truth, Angie has it coming.

*Filthy homewrecking skanks are a dime a dozen, and if this story is true, Racine the Married Cock Queen will get what's coming to her one day when she's least expecting it. Chlamydia isn't the only thing that goes around and comes around (even in your case). Karma's a bitch if you're a bitch. You attract from the universe what you put into it. So buckle up.

On second thought, The Bunny would be a little relieved if this story were true. Because it would serve as excellent confirmation that no woman is ever safe from betrayal - not even "the most beautiful woman in the world" - because when it comes to relationships men are complete fucking morons (there are exceptions). Say what you will about Angelina Jolie, but the fact is she seems like a fairly good person, with a thriving career. She's crazy about her kids, she gets off her pile of money and does things in the world that are actually commendable. She's gorgeous, she's sexual, she's practically perfect. If this chick can't satisfy her man enough to keep him from banging a slut in an airplane bathroom...well...then the rest of us shouldn't feel so baut ourselves.

There's only so much we can do.
*Some eye candy to watch the cynical Robitussin from your tastebuds.


Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Love / Hate

L earning
O ffering
V aluing
E levating


H ealing
A nalyzing
T orment
E nd

Blue Vs. Red - Let's Settle Down

The Bunny is just a little bit sick of all the bickering that accompanies political and social division.

Blue Vs. Red makes for black and blue eyes and red, flushed faces. Whereas BlueRed makes for... Purple, one of the prettiest colors, of course. Because Purple is a collaboration, combining the coolness of Blue with the heated tenacity of Red. It's a little in the middle, but very much of its own identity. There are many shades of Purple, some are warmer, some are cooler, but each declares a guilt-free position of somewhere in between.

It's rare that any issue, particularly one of immense controversy, has one absolute, correct answer. Anyone who assumes it does isn't really thinking about said issue.

In TCB's opinion, those who vehimently subscribe to a fixed point of view - attach themselves to a prescribed school of thought, political or social party - very often fail to accept angles or opinions that don't "match" the general belief of their party. This has dangerous consequences, as it blinds subscibers to truths, solutions and rationality.


We have come to a point where people are afraid to address sensitive subjects, for fear of retaliation. Thus, avoidance of issues. Resentmentful of the lanky, painted finger pointed in our face.

The resolution of conflict becomes the last priority, taking a back seat to winning an imaginary game. Egos take over, and the debate of issues devolves into a pissing contest.

Facts:

We are all just people
We will not always agree
We are not always right (let your ego know)
You can't use hate to fight hate... unless the result you want is more hate
Republican or Democrat - we are all Americans

American or Afghani - we are all human beings

People are entitled to join any kind of affiliation that they believe in. Enjoy the comfort and enlightenment of a particular religion! Feel free to register as a Democrat, or a Republican! There is no shame in joining a group. But be weary of painting yourself with the bold colors of division. Maintain objectivity, and resist the urge to berade those who don't share your opinions. Consider issues from every possible angle, and be brave enough to pluck yourself from a mass identity.

Even more troubling, is the idea that once a person expresses an opinion that is typically associated with a certain group, a person is immediately assigned to that group. We're drowning in a sea of labels. Good guys versus bad guys. Me versus you. Where did our right to independent thought go?

Otherwise, we're all just walking on eggshells, afraid to offend those on "our team," fueled by hypocrisy and perpetuating ignorance.

Open Minded - Solution Oriented - Fear Tromping, not Mongering. All in all, Pretty in Purple.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Shameless Hatin': The Kate Moss Edition



For reasons unknown this video of Kate Moss lashing out at intrusive paparazzi at LAX amused TCB.

Well, actually the reasons are known. She bed my J-Depp for, like, years. That's all it takes to get on The Bunny's bad side. The unusual part of the video is when she uses her adorable child as a vehicle to plow through a mob of flashing photogs.

The video is being used as evidence in a paparazzi VS celebrity court case.
The California state government voted 43-13 on Tuesday to pass a law fining photographers up to $5,000 or a year in jail for breaking traffic laws or impeding the operation of a celebrity's vehicle, TheStar.com reports. And one of the key exhibits in the case was a video of supermodel Kate Moss and her daughter at LAX on March 29, 2008. Check out the terrifying footage as Kate tries to leave the airport surrounded by police, paparazzi and flashbulbs.

It seems ironic that a chick who makes her living off of getting her photo taken would be so disturbed by getting a million pictures taken at once. Maybe it's because she's not done up, and THIS is was she looks like without makeup (rubs hands together evily). (AND THIS) (AND that IS HER BOOB).

Neither here nor there.

To be fair, The Bunny's blood pressure went up a little just watching this video. I'd definitely bash some heads in with my daughter's stroller if I were in that situation. Oh well, that's the price you pay to ride Johnny, bitch. Own it.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Mid Day Carrots


cuteness

Sexually harrassed during lunch break by a man in a (mechanic?) uniform carrying a bagged lunch. Exact words accompanied by invasion of personal space -"I want to touch your ass". Clever fella.

Evidence is mounting that sexual harrassers are could-be rapists and sadists who have no intention of flattering or engaging in consentual sexual activity. Their pleasure lies in any kind of sexual offense, even verbal. They do what they do because it disturbs their target and makes them uncomfortable. A woman's best defense is to ignore / ignore / ignore. You can't erase their words from your memory, but you can erase the element of disgust that so entices them.

Saw three beautiful brown eyed brunettes with subtle curves in sundresses on the subway. Was lovin' not hatin'. Just one benefit of living in the gorgeous brunette mecca that is Astoria.

Hostage situation at the Discovery Channel building is really distrubing / random / sad. Guess this sicko was really dissapointed with this season's Shark Week.